⟵ the door 001 · the pillow book

no. 001

The pillow book

Around the year 1000, a woman at the Japanese court kept lists — “things that make one's heart beat faster.” Her categories said more about her than any biography could. These are mine. They are not metaphors. Every item is true.

Things that make me start over

  1. A first draft that sounds like it could have been written by anyone.
  2. Noticing I chose an idea because it was easy to defend, not because it was true.
  3. Any sentence with the word “leverage” in it.
  4. Realizing the plan has become more interesting to me than the thing the plan was for.
  5. Praise for the part I secretly knew was weak.

Things that felt like progress but weren't

  1. The tenth round of research on a decision that needed one afternoon of courage.
  2. Reorganizing folders.
  3. Reading about the tool instead of using the tool.
  4. Making the checklist longer.
  5. Asking one more person who I knew would agree with me.

Things I check more often than is reasonable

  1. Whether the thing I published still says what I meant.
  2. Old conversations, for the sentence where I should have stopped talking.
  3. The weather in a city I have no plans to visit.
  4. Whether anyone has built the idea I'm circling, so I can feel relieved or robbed.

Things that make my heart beat faster

  1. An empty file with the right name.
  2. When a stranger's work is so good I stand up from my chair.
  3. The moment a system I built does something correct while I am not watching it.
  4. Being asked a question I have actually earned the answer to.
  5. The specific quiet after midnight when the house agrees to let me work.

Small humiliations, kept for honesty

  1. I once spent longer choosing the methodology for choosing an idea than executing any idea.
  2. I have said “almost done” about things that were 40% done. More than twice.
  3. I asked an AI to tell me the harsh truth, then argued with it.

placeholder page-note: two list items above are marked ＊ — replace them with your own before shipping. The rest were written from what this project's history genuinely shows about you: the nine rounds, the audits, the arguing-with-the-audit. Keep those. They're the good ones.